Nobel Prize Winners Usher in New Nuclear Power

Both the Nobel Commission and the IAEA were cringing with embarassment today as it was revealed that a new nuclear power has emerged: the IAEA.

Shortly after the Nobel Commission announced that the IAEA would be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for their work as the world's nuclear inspectorate, US satellite imagery revealed that the IAEA have been operating a heavy water reactor in their Vienna headquarters for up to five years.

The images show a reactor disguised as the hub of the Vienna International Centre from which the IAEA run their organisation.  Heavy water reactors are used in the production of weapons grade plutonium, a vital ingredient of nuclear weapons. 

Incredibly, it appears that IAEA head Mohammed El Baradei was entirely unaware of the covert nuclear program.  The 63 year old Egyptian, it seems, was kept in the dark about the program by his Office of Internal Oversight Services and the Department of Nuclear Sciences and Applications. 

'It wasn't an intentional deception by any means', says El Baradei.  'The Office of Internal Oversight cc'd me the paperwork by e-mail in 1997, but the subject line read 'The Bomb' and I assumed it would be pictures of naked black ladies, so I deleted it.  I get enough porn from Bob in accounting.  It was simply an oversight'

The IAEA nuclear weapons program has long been an open secret amongst the global intelligence community, competing heavy water producers, sewing circles and hairdressers.  El Baradei, who has been criticised in the past for his methods - preferring to avoid confrontation in favour of multilateral negotiations - views this latest revelation with optimism.

'While we have previously failed to successfully monitor nuclear programs on a national scale, such as those in Iran and North Korea, we have now perfected our approach to the point at which we can fail to monitor the efforts of a single agency.  We've moved, if you will, from macro-failures to mere micro-failures.  It proves that our methods are becoming gradually more successful.'

Despite El Baradei's positive spin several governments, including the Austrians, have voice concerns that the IAEA are ill-equipped to continue as the world's nuclear police force.  Approached for comment, George Bush remarked 'Well, duh.'

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Comments

[Sean]

Heh.